11.08.2012

30 Ways to Raise Confident Kids



My son is only six, but we've already had a whirlwind of confidence issues. He's the kindest person you'll ever meet, next to his father. My son is so very handsome, talented and very smart, (I may be a bit biased), but he's always torturing himself with his low confidence.  So I set out and made goals to help him build his confidence up. I've found some amazing techniques through trial and error, the internet and doing some research. What I found is MANY simple ideas and most of them need to be started when they're VERY young. I'm going to be linking up many ideas around the web, so make sure to click through them as well and see for yourself the inspiring ways to build up your child's confidence.
{Click the Pink Links!}

1: I am ME, and that's who I want to be! Asking your child what they LOVE about themselves and what others love about them can help them realize their talents and what makes them so special. Go to the link to see the print outs and sit down your your child and fill them out. I even did the one where you glue a mirror to the middle, but I went a step further and had my children look in the mirror before bed and say, "I LOVE ME!" Click the link above, because this was such a good thing for my kids! And don't forget to display it all! 
2: Lights! Camera! Action! Have a family activity where everyone takes turns getting up and performing something in front of the rest of the family. It can be a skit, a poem they wrote, telling a joke, displaying art work they did, reading a book, singing, dancing you name it! PERFORM & APPLAUD!

3: Hard Work. There's many lists of age appropriate chores to do around the house, but learning hard work even at a young age can help them build confidence with their success and new abilities! Letting your baby feed themselves with a spoon is a small example. Having your toddler do his/her best at making their bed. If they do their best and you know they did they're best then it's okay to step in a help the rest of the way. My daughter just turned four and she even puts her clothes away herself. She puts them on the hanger and I hang them up because she can't reach. Get your chore charts out and praise them for the success and abilities!

4: My motto is: There's Always a Solution! Whenever your child is having a difficult time figuring something out, LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT. Maybe help brainstorm some ideas with them, but if they want to try and fix a problem a certain way, let them.  Even if you know it wont work, just let them figure that part out on their own.  Relying on you to fix all their problems won't build confidence in themselves...(As hard as it is to not do it all for them. Trust me, I know).

5: Homework! As early as Preschool, your child needs a parent that is interested in their school and will help them set goals and achieve them! If your child goes to school without finishing homework, they feel like they failed, or even that they CAN'T DO IT.  Talk to them about the importance of school and then give them the time (and attention sometimes) they need to understand their work. Getting it done on time is a little boost of pride they need to continue motivation.

6: Never say never! (or- I can't). Nothing breaks your heart more when your child says "I CAN'T" and then hangs their head. That phrase isn't aloud in my home. We say: "I need to try again!" It really only takes a few words to get your child inspired. In high school before a race it only would take a few words from my coach or team mate to inspire me and feel motivated. The same works here. Teach them about the 'art' of practicing and trying your best.

7: Goals! Set goals as a family and also let your child set their own goals. Make a chart to mark your progress. Teach them again that hard work is the only way to achieving something worth while. Then celebrate when goals are reached. Praising your child is a constant necessity.

8: Bottle it up! Telling your child NOT to cry is like telling your child to bottle it up. And then you instantly lose their confidence in talking to you about how they feel. Crying is like laughing, it's necessary. Emotions are A-O-K.

9: Put your SILLY on. Encourage your child to be silly. That means that you need to let your child be silly and also participate and laugh along! But encouraging them also means that if you have a child like mine who is already too embarrassed to be silly, even in front of family, you need to be silly FIRST. My son has finally started to initiate silliness and my heart is very happy. It's important to teach them to not care what others think. That's a hard thing to instill, but if you ever want them to stand up for what they believe or to be themselves, then start BEING SILLY. Even if that means crazy hair dancing...

10: DANCE! Because no one's watching. This intertwines with #2 and #9, but dancing as a family is one of the best ways we spend quality time together. I'm so serious. We hip hop, tap, tip toe ballet and swing dance it all! I've even taught my son how to properly ask a girl to dance. Take one fun 3-4 minute song and take a quick break! Whenever I'm seeing that my kids or even my day need a pick-me-up, the itunes start playing we all know what to do!

11: Don't say DON'T. We find ourselves saying things like: Don't yell in the car! Don't put your elbows on the table! Don't hit! Don't put your shoes there! Don't Don't Don't! Or we could calm the home down by saying things like this: No one wants anyone to get a headache, so lets be quieter. Do you think your brother likes to be hit? What should we do now? Can you find a better spot for your shoes?  As soon as you say DON'T your child feels victimized and belittled.

12: Art and Create. Being creative is probably the best way to express your self, be different and a GREAT opportunity for you to praise their expressions. Display it, love it, and do it again.

13: Service.  Serving someone else is the ultimate self-booster. Personally I don't know anything that feels better than serving others. Kids can feel that too when they have the opportunity to serve.  It was a first goal of mine to teach my children service because I know the importance of it in my Heavenly Father's eyes and in the world today.  It can be hard with small children, we all know that sharing is toddler-fight-central. But it can start with simple things, like writing kinds words to someone, giving someone a gift, opening a door. I have to tell you a story of my son because it melts my heart. He had been saving up his chore allowance for something he wanted REALLY REALLY badly. One night he came into my room with his piggy bank in hand. He handed it to me and told me he wanted me to a have it. I smiled really big because I knew it was a great sacrifice, but his smile was much much bigger. (I later told him I couldn't take it, but at the moment he just felt so good).

14: Family Post. Each of our family members has their own mail box. It's the perfect opportunity to serve someone anonymously too in your home and it's a great place to start teaching about service. Love notes, notes of encouragement, candy, stickers, toys. They've all been found in our mailboxes. (Even my husband and I take advantage of the sentiments to one another). It's important to teach service in the home first, and this is a special way to make a small day seem so important.

15: Stress Relief. Kids can get stressed, they can even feel when you're stressed so don't encourage it. There's many ways to deal with it and you can find your own personal way, but here's some things that I like to do. If they're stressing about something that already happened, help them understand that they don't need to stress over something that they can't change and already happened. It's over, so let's think about something else. Also, I found a fun kids yoga workout at the library. It was fun and got the kids a little wound up and silly in the beginning and then slowly calmed them down and relaxed them the last half. I'm thinking I need to buy that movie for a bedtime ritual for my kiddos!

16: Bedroom Decor. Let your kids help decorate their room. Let them have fun and express themselves in what they want on the wall or colors that they love. I know that when I decorate my house in a way that I love, it makes walking into that room so much more fun! A kid feels the same way.

17: Imbed 'I'm Sorry' and 'I forgive you' into their mind at a young age. The importance of saying it and the understanding of it. Sounds simple but even as an adult it's hard to do both those things, same for children.

18: Face Your Fears! If your child is afraid of the dark, play some games in the dark or turn the lights off and draw funny pictures in the dark and laugh at them. If your child is afraid of water, take them to the pool but don't worry about making it constructive, just fun! But always talk to them about it before hand, don't just throw them at it head-on.

19: Be a Good Sport. What does that mean anyway? Well, it means give your best effort, and appreciate your team's and your opponent's efforts no matter who wins. And be gracious and humble. No one wants to be friends with a sore looser, which can diminish your kid's confidence. They don't have to LIKE to lose, they just need to know that it's a part of life. Being competitive shouldn't be confused with bad sportsmanship. It's okay to be competitive and enthused.

20: Family Dates! Daddy-daughter dates, mother-son dates, mother-daughter, father-son or the WHOLE clan. Spend outing time together! Make the effort to spend one on one time communicating and listening. Let them control the conversation and listen carefully. Have fun together, let them help plan the dates. My kids moods are MUCH MUCH happier when we're spending constant time together. TIME isn't always easy so make time.

Here's a great place to find fun activities! -A Little Bird-

21: Accept the gift. As parents, we give our kids everything. But children don't have jobs or means to give their parents everything in return. So when they give you a leaf, or a page they colored or a dandelion, it needs to be the most important thing you've ever seen because it's the only thing they have to give. Let them know how grateful you are. And that's another way of teaching them the 'good feeling' of serving others as well.

22: Teach! Kids ask a BAZILLION questions. And the only thing you can do to make you sane is by answer them. If they want to cook, teach them and let them, if they want to know how an airplane flies, research and tell them. It's fun when you learn new things too. Be honest with them. They trust everything you tell them so make it count. They soak in everything they learn & hear so encourage them. They'll learn knew skills and knowledge that will GREATLY increase their confidence!

23: Mind your manners. Have you heard of the Bad Manners Dinner Table Pig? We tried this one and it worked quite well. The only thing is, is that it's a game, which I agree that you need to make it fun and not miserable. But to make it a learning process we made a rule that who ever had the pig last had to clear the table. Manners takes TIME and EFFORT. The learning happens within the family every single day. Good manners will help your child interact with others in a way that will attract positive feedback. It takes chronic grueling and doing it in a happy manner. This is up for personal preference in handling the manners that are important to you. I'm going to be a proud momma for a moment if you will, and tell you about my son's service to a senior citizen. We were walking into church and this lady had two crutches and had a hard time walking, let alone carry a bag. My 6 year old asked, "Excuse me, can I carry your bag?" The woman was very pleased and handed it over, then he continued to walk and talk with her and open the double doors for her. I was in too much of a hurry running late to church, but that's all it took to get my head on straight.

24: Family Home Evening. Once a week, (for our family it's every Monday), we spend the evening together and make NO OTHER PLANS. We teach a lesson we play a game, we sing, we chat, but my favorite part is asking my children and family if there's anything we can do to make our home more happy. The kids always come up with meaningful and fun ideas. And again, it's spending time together. Gotta make that time.
25: Teach them Thankfulness. Being thankful means you know you are blessed. Knowing you're blessed means you appreciate your life and what you have. One way I taught my kids thankfulness was in their own prayers. Instead of just repeating 'Please bless this and please bless this' we worked on 'Thank you for this'. Also, just talk about it. I'm thankful for this, what are you thankful for?

26: Don't embarrass your children in front of others. Getting upset at your child can feel belittling to them, but even more so in front of others. It's the small things that matter. You can make a signal that only you and your kid knows what it means. If your child interrupts you in a conversation, you can give him/her the 'signal' so they know they need to wait and not interrupt. The child doesn't get embarrassed. Side note, NEVER punish your child when you're angry. Calm it down first and think of a reasonable response.

27: Pick good friends. Ask your child, "do you think friends make fun of you? Do you think friends make you make bad choices?" Etc. Help them understand good qualities they need to have in a friendship. Always listen to your child's concerns about friends and then help them figure out the best way to find solutions. Even role playing will help them with the thought process. Be in their life, know their friends, have them over for play dates. We all know friends can influence your child in every way.

28: Teach them about tricky people. Read THIS article now. And find a way to talk to them about predators. Like a good book. Having your children understand safety without scaring them is important to their confidence and courage. Let them be in the 'know'.

29: Raise a leader. For your child to gain leadership skills all you need to do is give them decision making opportunities. This also falls in line with #4 & also 16. Give them leeway and find the time and effort to make it happen often.  Praise them for their success and encourage them further if by chance their choice doesn't work. Encourage their input for ideas. Let them take charge. If they're bored don't tell them what to do, ask them etc.

30: Optimistic!  If you're not in the mood to be, then be aware of your adult conversations around children. They listen, even in the other room. Don't teach them to gossip or degrade others EVER. Don't EVER mention weight or being fat, you instead talk about a healthy body and healthy eating. Don't complain or whine in front of your kids. (Whining isn't allowed in our home on both sides). Have them look in the mirror and say things they love about themselves. Constantly tell them things that are great about them. Let them know more than once a day that you love them by saying it, if you're reading all this then I know you're already showing it.  Talk to them if they say negative things, see if you can figure out where it's coming from. The media can have an impact on their attitude and optimism as well as friends, teachers, siblings and the parents.
I also found THIS post about teaching your kids to be optimistic! 

On the way to driving my son to school I say (quite loudly): "Who's the coolest person in the world?" And he says, "I am!" And I give him a kiss goodbye knowing that my crazy quirky cheesy parenting is paying off, by the simple and small moments. Because-

Being called MOM 
is my GREATEST blessing.


Please leave positive comments below. I'd love to hear about your parenting tips and the small and simple things you do to improve the well being of your child.


81 comments:

Gianna Johnson said...

This was absolutely awesome advice. thank you!

Justin + Liesl said...

amazing advice!!! Not yet a mommy but loving getting prepared. Thanks for the post!

xoxo
Liesl

woodsy-soiree.blogspot.com

Jamie Lynn said...

That was awesome! I wish we were friends! Love everything you said and am trying to incorporate them all into my 2 children's lives!!!! Have a wonderful day!
Jamie Harris
lovelongtime.blogspot.com

'T' said...

like!

Katie said...

Linds this is great!! I am going to remember this list when Graham is a little older!

Artsy Aut said...

Thanks for taking the time to write this down. I really like your ideas! I have three little ones and I can't wait to incorporate some of these things!

Hobson's said...

This is great. You need to parent 3 more children....:)
Candace

Jess said...

My son is three and this is something I have been pondering over the last few months. So perfect & exactly what I needed. Thank you!

Vala Z said...

this is such, such a nice post!

Katie and Justin said...

Thanks so much :) great advice!!

Katie and Justin said...

Thanks so much :) great advice!!

Laurie Blundell said...

I absolutely love every one of these! Thank you for writing and sharing it. I wish every child could have parents that take the time to teach them these things and instill the confidence that they need in this world!

Todd and Veronica said...

Thanks for taking the time to do this. Very good advice. I appreciate it.

Todd and Veronica said...

Thanks for taking the time to do this. Very good advice. I appreciate it.

Suzanne said...

I enjoyed reading your suggestions. Thank you!

Kristen said...

Great post. Thanks also for your age specific stoking stuffer list!

Jen Kesler said...

Great post!!! So worth reading!

The Lane Family said...

This is an AWESOME post....I love the dance one because our family LOVES to do this and we have so much fun laughing and cheering it is GREAT..also the being creative I hae to remind myself that messes clean up and kids do as well. We also do the dates and our kids love it!! You shared SO Many great tips and ideas!!!

Jenny said...

Found this post via pinterest and have to say these are the best ideas for confidence building that I've ever read. Thank you so much. My oldest is 4 so this new territory for me. I will definitely be using many of these ideas.

Besa Pira Romero said...

This was amazing advice:)

Kurizutin said...

This post is awesome! I am a first time mom and my baby is now 2.5 years old. I'm always thinking of how to raise him with confidence. What to do and what not. You have a great list. I am bookmarking this.

Warm Regards,

Tine

The Duckworth Family said...

Thank you for sharing this. I want to print it and read it every morning because I know it's going to take a LOT of practice to implement some of these, but I have a 7 year old with confidence issues and I've needed ideas on how to help him with it so I'm going to make efforts!

Ryanne Jolly said...

I found your post on pinterest and LOVE IT!! I am not a mommy yet (unless you count my dogs), but will be within the next couple of years. I teach middle-school aged girls and many of these tips can be transferred to my classroom! Thank you so much for sharing! :)

Cara :) said...

Loved this :) Thank you! :)

Carmen Wasylenko said...

Fantastic! Yoyve given me many gewat ideas! Thank you!

Carmen Wasylenko said...

Sorry about my typos...always in a hurry!

Valley Isle Surfboards said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maira Sanchez said...

I love this!!

Maira Sanchez said...

I love this!!

m22love said...

I want to say thank you for this amazing piece of advice. As a mother of three (5-10), with the eldest having has Apergers, I tend to sometimes forget to slow down and parent the way I had planned...the way you mapped out for us. I needed the reminder of what it is that we as parents should be doing to raise the best children possible.

Linz e said...

m22love, I'm glad you enjoyed the article, and stopping to read it proves you're always trying to be the parent you should be.

Tonya Stensrud said...

AWESOME ADVICE! I am so glad I found this article to read. As a newly single mom of 3, I needed to hear these things. You somtimes forget this stuff when dealing with your own problems and drama. Thank you so much!

Jillian Spencer said...

Perfect! Was just sharing some of my concerns with my husband about raising a confident kid--THis helps so much! I'm also a teacher and these tricks could be so helpful in the classroom setting! Thanks ;)

Shannon Ellis said...

Great list all in one place! Thank you!

someone said...

I love this :) (Linked to it on our blog... http://www.thelaneystory.com/confidence/) These kinds of confidence boosters are great for everyone! I think it's important for kids and adults to be working to build confidence day after day, and this list has some great ideas! Thanks for posting :)

Danni Cooper said...

This is great and I've bookmarked it for use with my daughter now aged 14 months.

How about the addition of:
Don't tell stories on them doing something foolish our getting in trouble. Mummy and Daddy may need to know to enforce a consequence, but aunties, uncles, siblings, grandparents probably don't. Express upset, help them fix something they did wrong if necessary, don't spread their upset and/or shame.

For Christian parents: Show them every day what God says about them. Write out verses and put them by the mirror etc.

Thanks for this article and the resources.

Danielle Cooper.

Danni Cooper said...

This is great and I've bookmarked it for use with my daughter now aged 14 months.

How about the addition of:
Don't tell stories on them doing something foolish our getting in trouble. Mummy and Daddy may need to know to enforce a consequence, but aunties, uncles, siblings, grandparents probably don't. Express upset, help them fix something they did wrong if necessary, don't spread their upset and/or shame.

For Christian parents: Show them every day what God says about them. Write out verses and put them by the mirror etc.

Thanks for this article and the resources.

Danielle Cooper.

Danni Cooper said...

This is great and I've bookmarked it for use with my daughter now aged 14 months.

How about the addition of:
Don't tell stories on them doing something foolish our getting in trouble. Mummy and Daddy may need to know to enforce a consequence, but aunties, uncles, siblings, grandparents probably don't. Express upset, help them fix something they did wrong if necessary, don't spread their upset and/or shame.

For Christian parents: Show them every day what God says about them. Write out verses and put them by the mirror etc.

Thanks for this article and the resources.

Danielle Cooper.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice.... said...

Thank you for sharing this awesome article. I read it through the positive parenting blog and shared a link of your article on my facebook page for my friends

-Ankita

Rachel Hatch Sutton said...

Hi! I just found your blog and I love it! I feel like we are best friends already!! I am just getting started in my marriage(3 1/2 months!) but this post is EXACTLY what my husband and I have talked about doing and we are doing with one another. I love the mailbox service idea! and the signals to help them and not embarass them!! We also decided thatinstead of saying no no no no NO no no we are going to ask questions and redirect and ask them what they think so they can learn. I also want to do the same thing when they have hurt someones feelings, ask them about it so they can learn and grow and know i love them instead of " go say your sorry we'll talk about it when we gt home" I always felt like I was a supervillian if my mom ever said that and I may not have realized that wasn't nice! I am loving your blog!!! if you are ever in west phonix you should come our way!! we ae about to start being foster parents for disabled children and you are not allowed to put them in time out- state laws- so I'm going to make one of those cool glitter settling jars and have a bin of activites that they can do to cool down. of course they are going to be handicapped so I don't even know if they are even capable of being naughty but it will be good to be prepared for our little ones! Feel free to check out my blog- mypinkstilettos.blogspot.com I'm just getting started with it and would love some adice if you get a chance!! thanks for being so awesome!!!

jcg said...

Thanks for the post. I think you forget...nothing. It's a family plan that looks great. There are so many ways to implement your great ideas where each couple can agree on and personalize it to their family needs.

Lindsey said...

What a great post! Thanks for all your hard work put into this; it was a very insightful read. Pinning this... :)

Anna Petrie said...

I loved reading this! I am not a mom yet but I am getting married this next month and have already discussed with my husband-to-be about how we want to raise our future family. We don't want kids right away but we both feel that it is still important to talk about these things together in advance so that we are on the same page when it comes time to teaching our kids how to behave. These ideas are fantastic and I can't wait to share them with my man! Thank you again :)

Anna Petrie said...

I loved reading this! I am not a mom yet but I am getting married this next month and have already discussed with my husband-to-be about how we want to raise our future family. We don't want kids right away but we both feel that it is still important to talk about these things together in advance so that we are on the same page when it comes time to teaching our kids how to behave. These ideas are fantastic and I can't wait to share them with my man! Thank you again :)

MillerAK said...

Thank you so much for this wonderful post. What an informative and amazing read. I have 7 month old twins who I intend to practice positive parenting with throughout their lives.

Lori said...

Wonderful Post -- thank you for sharing. I'd like to share an idea with you:
REFLECTION & ACCOUNTABILITY
When any combination of our children had a larger or longer-lasting disagreement, we would stop them, give them a "no-talking rule" and ask them to sit and think to themselves "What did I do that added to the situation" and then "What could I have done differently to change what just happened?" When they had figured that out and could say ONLY what their part was and not bring up what the other person did (and then apologize for their part) they could go back to playing.
Obviously in the beginning I had to help them by asking them lots of questions and prompting them.
WOW! What started out as a much needed cooling off period blessed us all --- what a great skill they now possess. To honestly assess a situation and focus on the part we played and how we can improve and make that better, rather than blaming others, is a priceless life skill. So grateful for moments of inspiration!

Cerani W said...

So how do you tell your kids to not throw things or spit? I've been trying super hard the last couple days since reading your post to avoid saying "no," "stop," and "don't," but I am at a loss for throwing things and spitting. My son is only 16 months, so discipline is a bit new. His favorite thing to do is either spit in my face or throw things at my head. I don't know how to get him to stop!

darrelle mcknight said...

Your passion in parenting is greatly expressed in this article! I appreciate the outlook you have on life and plan to use your tips in parenting. We practice many of these methods in our home as well. Thank you for sharing this and God bless you and your home :)

Ebony Nesbit said...

Thanks... This was such a great reminder bc often times as parents we get caught up in daily routines and slip away from the important stuff. I read half way and instantly went to draw my two awesome daughters (7 and 2) a picture and placed it on the bathroom mirror for them in the morning.

Jeannie said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this article....going to post it and pin it on the our frig.
THANK YOU !!!

Brittany Parker said...

I am not a mother yet, but my fiance and I have both struggled with depression and low self esteem for a long time. We have made it our goals to ensure that our children will never ever go through theses things. This post was very inspiring, and I will make sure to keep it in my mind all the time. Love this!

Goings on at the Glenn's said...

thank you so much for taking the time to write out this post. I know it must have taken awhile but man I was reminded of many things I need to improve upon as a mother. I think our next FHE should incorporate a couple of these! Thanks so much!

Amanda McEwen ~ $5 Hems and more ~ said...

Thank you for all this great advice. I have a bit of a short temper so I'm always looking for things to read, then read, then read again. My oldest is in kindergarten and no matter how bad a morning we've had we always say goodbye with affermations.

Just for today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry. And just for today I will remember that I am unique, I am amazing, and I am worth it.

I'm looking forward to using a lot of your methods. Thanks again.

Lynny Hailes said...

Thanks for a great post. It's so nice to be reminded and to learn new things as well. Big love to you and your beautiful family xx

- Michelle said...

Thank you for this post. I found it on Pinterest and printed it out for the hubby and garndparents to read too. I love all of your ideas & suggestions! For me as a mommy, me biggest challenges are handling my stress and constantly working on a more positive attitude. I will have to reread this monthly :-)

Julie Burr said...

Seriously?? This is the most amazing list out there!! What a great resource! Thank you thank you!

Mandy F. said...

Amei todos!

HawksEye said...

GOOD and NEW factors, just create me experience fresh and dynamic. That is the miracle of your material .
Tubal reversal financing

CS Preschool & Childcare said...

This is the best list of parental advice I have read. There's nothing in there that is unreasonable or impossible. I'm printing this out and putting on our home memo board. Thank you ! You have lucky kids!!

Shantel said...

I seriously loved this. Thank you for sharing! I feel like I need to print this out and read it every night before I go to bed to remind me. Thank you again!

chantelle said...

thank you sooooo much for the tips!! i have young kids and i can see how these things are so important right now and how to start off right. Thanks for breaking it down. i need to read this everyday! :)

Joseline Arlette Pirir Calí said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rowena said...

Nicely done and thoughtful. I saw some things I do, some things I could do more of and some thing I've never done that I could try. Thanks.

Jennifer Swedlund said...

I would add "giving your children the gift of failure." Nothing helps your child become resilient and willing to overcome obstacles more than failing and trying again.

Sheilita Joseph said...

These were great suggestions. Looking forward to using them and sharing them not only with my friends who have children , but with friends who may watch mine for me from time to time!

Berklee said...

I found your post via Pinterest and really like the list of things you've compiled. I am the proud mama of 3-month-old twin boys and I'm excited to implement the discipline methods I've learned about. The thought occurred to me while reading about the Pig game that maybe it would be even more effective by focusing on good table manners and the person that was caught using good manners last (or the most) gets the reward of not having to help with the dishes, or an extra helping of dessert or something along those lines. Just an idea. :)

Wilna Beukes said...

Thank you... this was inspiring!

Amuds said...

Awesome post....

Mahnoor Ali said...

Thank you so much! i have 2 boys. one is scared of dark and the other one is scared of loud noises, like forework or a bang of the door, he is only 3 years old and he's also scared of having rides, he starts screaming when we put him even in the most trivial rides. what should i do, i am so worried for him?

Rhonda Franz said...

I was getting ready to pin this, and didn't realize you linked out "43 Chores" post from Parenting Squad.

Thank you. This is a fantastic list.

Rhonda Franz
managing editor, parentingsquad.com

Supatarin Black said...

OMG! love this, thank you so much for this awesome post!

nisha kenny said...

this post is awesome. would like to know if you have any similar articles.

Stephanie DeRosa said...

How do I get to the link for #1? This is a great article!

Ashley Wells said...

It’s also important that parents have reasonable expectations for their kids that are based on a realistic assessment of their abilities.

http://raiseselfesteem.net

Ashley Wells said...

It’s also important that parents have reasonable expectations for their kids that are based on a realistic assessment of their abilities.

http://raiseselfesteem.net

Jennifer Porter said...

awesome list! Love it!

http://buildingmommymuscles.com

Adam Martin said...

I DISAGREE with the end of #7. It reads "praising your child is a constant necessity." As a MFT and registered play therapist in training, I have learned the value of helping parents differentiate between ENCOURAGEMENT and PRAISE. Encouragement often produces an internal locus of control within a child, while praise increases the likelihood that children will foster an external locus of control. Therefore, ENCOURAGEMENT helps a child demonstrate problem-solving skills and increase self-confidence and competence so they are less likely to draw their self-worth merely from positive comments by others. In contrast, CONSTANT PRAISE is more likely to develop an external locus of control in children: they may become more dependent on adults and peers and OFTEN SEEK TO GAIN THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN PRAISE SHOULD BE AVOIDED. Every child wants a parent to say, "I'm proud of you." However, there is also a great benefit in a child learning to become proud of or like himself or herself. To be honest, when I report to children that I "like what they have done or made," they often keep doing it because they know I approve and they want to please me. However, when I reflect and acknowledge that "THEY are proud of what the did or made and were eager to show me" their self-understanding of their competencies and internal confidence grows exponentially. AGAIN, CHILDREN WANT PRAISE AND ITS A GOOD THING, BUT PRAISE CAN BE LIMITING AT THE SAME TIME IF THEIR APPROVAL FROM OTHERS IS NOT ALSO BOLSTERED BY THEIR OWN SELF-APPROVAL. ENCOURAGEMENT IS ALSO OF BENEFIT BECAUSE IT'S OFTEN MORE SPECIFIC IN RECOGNIZING DEVELOPING COMPETENCIES AND ATTITUDES. i.e., "I noticed that the boy in your class needed your help. You must be really thankful for being patient with him and for listening like you can." VS. "You did a good thing."

spokanetrish said...

Thank you for articulating so many great ways a parent can encourage independence along with confidence! I might add this...nearly EVERYONE will rise to the vision others have of them; be careful with how you present that vision. If you only praise for "being pretty", then that is the vision you inspire. If you only praise for athletics, then that child thinks you only value running & not books. If you always say "NO", then they stop coming to you.

True story; when my children were young I was ALWAYS frazzled...my son was ADHD and never stopped moving, and all I ever said was "NO, STOP, DOWN"! In a moment of quiet I remembered a conversation with my mother as an adult, and I was telling her I had always wanted "XYZ" as a little girl; she looked hurt & surprised. She said I had never told her that, and had she known she would have tried to get it for me. I had to tell her I never said anything, because of finances she never had extra money and I didn't want her to feel bad for not being able to give it to me. I also didn't want to be told she couldn't give it to me.

This led me to think about how often I said "NO" to my children, and I decided to create a "new family rule". I promised to say "yes" as often as I could--some things would have to wait, some things would be a definite "NO", and some things would be "I will do my best"...but I promised to LISTEN and take the time to consider the request. If I had to say "no" or "not now", I gave an age appropriate reason for it--this was constantly demonstrating decision making and reinforcing the value I placed in THEM.

A couple days later, my then age 8 daughter came running, "Mom, can I go help Katie paint her room? They are going to spatter paint all over the walls!". My 1st instinct was to say "NO!", but I caught myself and said "YES! let's get a t-shirt, shorts, and shoes that I don't care if you ruin." She was SO excited! Up went the hair in a pony, and she grabbed a hat on the way out as I called after her "HAVE TOO MUCH FUN! Three hours later she came home, knocking on the door asking if she could come in (with a giggle)...I answered the door and busted out laughing--she had hand prints on the shirt, speckles on her shoes, and dots on her cheeks...and she was glowing, she had SO MUCH FUN! We still have the pictures...and it's a terrific memory :-)

So parents...say "YES" as often as you can; you make some great memories and you'll find that your "NO's" carry much more weight.

likelylinda said...

These ideas are great! As a teacher of adults who have intellectual disabilities, I use some of these already and what a difference it makes for their confidence - over time and within a moment.

My favorite of yours here is number 21, To Accept The Gift. A lot of the folks I work with give me a scribbled page or their name written a hundred times or an item from the classroom (which is already mine) and sometimes I forget to truly appreciate the gesture, since as you said, they don't have a lot to give but they WANT to give. It means a lot!

Thanks for this post!

gül çap said...

hi from turkey. i want to thank you for this article. all the things you told about is beautiful and useful for me. i will translate this to my language and give other adults in family.

ashlie jon said...

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