30 Ways to Raise Confident Kids

My son is only six, but we've already had a whirlwind of confidence issues. He's the kindest person you'll ever meet, next to his father. My son is so very handsome, talented and very smart, (I may be a bit biased), but he's always torturing himself with his low confidence.  So I set out and made goals to help him build his confidence up. I've found some amazing techniques through trial and error, the internet and doing some research. What I found is MANY simple ideas and most of them need to be started when they're VERY young. I'm going to be linking up many ideas around the web, so make sure to click through them as well and see for yourself the inspiring ways to build up your child's confidence.
{Click the Pink Links!}

1: I am ME, and that's who I want to be! Asking your child what they LOVE about themselves and what others love about them can help them realize their talents and what makes them so special. Go to the link to see the print outs and sit down your your child and fill them out. I even did the one where you glue a mirror to the middle, but I went a step further and had my children look in the mirror before bed and say, "I LOVE ME!" Click the link above, because this was such a good thing for my kids! And don't forget to display it all! 

2: Lights! Camera! Action! Have a family activity where everyone takes turns getting up and performing something in front of the rest of the family. It can be a skit, a poem they wrote, telling a joke, displaying art work they did, reading a book, singing, dancing you name it! PERFORM & APPLAUD!

3: Hard Work. There's many lists of age appropriate chores to do around the house, but learning hard work even at a young age can help them build confidence with their success and new abilities! Letting your baby feed themselves with a spoon is a small example. Having your toddler do his/her best at making their bed. If they do their best and you know they did they're best then it's okay to step in a help the rest of the way. My daughter just turned four and she even puts her clothes away herself. She puts them on the hanger and I hang them up because she can't reach. Get your chore charts out and praise them for the success and abilities!

4: My motto is: There's Always a Solution! Whenever your child is having a difficult time figuring something out, LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT. Maybe help brainstorm some ideas with them, but if they want to try and fix a problem a certain way, let them.  Even if you know it wont work, just let them figure that part out on their own.  Relying on you to fix all their problems won't build confidence in themselves...(As hard as it is to not do it all for them. Trust me, I know).

5: Homework! As early as Preschool, your child needs a parent that is interested in their school and will help them set goals and achieve them! If your child goes to school without finishing homework, they feel like they failed, or even that they CAN'T DO IT.  Talk to them about the importance of school and then give them the time (and attention sometimes) they need to understand their work. Getting it done on time is a little boost of pride they need to continue motivation.

6: Never say never! (or- I can't). Nothing breaks your heart more when your child says "I CAN'T" and then hangs their head. That phrase isn't aloud in my home. We say: "I need to try again!" It really only takes a few words to get your child inspired. In high school before a race it only would take a few words from my coach or team mate to inspire me and feel motivated. The same works here. Teach them about the 'art' of practicing and trying your best.

7: Goals! Set goals as a family and also let your child set their own goals. Make a chart to mark your progress. Teach them again that hard work is the only way to achieving something worth while. Then celebrate when goals are reached. Praising your child is a constant necessity.

8: Bottle it up! Telling your child NOT to cry is like telling your child to bottle it up. And then you instantly lose their confidence in talking to you about how they feel. Crying is like laughing, it's necessary. Emotions are A-O-K.

9: Put your SILLY on. Encourage your child to be silly. That means that you need to let your child be silly and also participate and laugh along! But encouraging them also means that if you have a child like mine who is already too embarrassed to be silly, even in front of family, you need to be silly FIRST. My son has finally started to initiate silliness and my heart is very happy. It's important to teach them to not care what others think. That's a hard thing to instill, but if you ever want them to stand up for what they believe or to be themselves, then start BEING SILLY. Even if that means crazy hair dancing...

10: DANCE! Because no one's watching. This intertwines with #2 and #9, but dancing as a family is one of the best ways we spend quality time together. I'm so serious. We hip hop, tap, tip toe ballet and swing dance it all! I've even taught my son how to properly ask a girl to dance. Take one fun 3-4 minute song and take a quick break! Whenever I'm seeing that my kids or even my day need a pick-me-up, the itunes start playing we all know what to do!

11: Don't say DON'T. We find ourselves saying things like: Don't yell in the car! Don't put your elbows on the table! Don't hit! Don't put your shoes there! Don't Don't Don't! Or we could calm the home down by saying things like this: No one wants anyone to get a headache, so lets be quieter. Do you think your brother likes to be hit? What should we do now? Can you find a better spot for your shoes?  As soon as you say DON'T your child feels victimized and belittled.

12: Art and Create. Being creative is probably the best way to express your self, be different and a GREAT opportunity for you to praise their expressions. Display it, love it, and do it again.

13: Service.  Serving someone else is the ultimate self-booster. Personally I don't know anything that feels better than serving others. Kids can feel that too when they have the opportunity to serve.  It was a first goal of mine to teach my children service because I know the importance of it in my Heavenly Father's eyes and in the world today.  It can be hard with small children, we all know that sharing is toddler-fight-central. But it can start with simple things, like writing kinds words to someone, giving someone a gift, opening a door. I have to tell you a story of my son because it melts my heart. He had been saving up his chore allowance for something he wanted REALLY REALLY badly. One night he came into my room with his piggy bank in hand. He handed it to me and told me he wanted me to a have it. I smiled really big because I knew it was a great sacrifice, but his smile was much much bigger. (I later told him I couldn't take it, but at the moment he just felt so good).

14: Family Post. Each of our family members has their own mail box. It's the perfect opportunity to serve someone anonymously too in your home and it's a great place to start teaching about service. Love notes, notes of encouragement, candy, stickers, toys. They've all been found in our mailboxes. (Even my husband and I take advantage of the sentiments to one another). It's important to teach service in the home first, and this is a special way to make a small day seem so important.

15: Stress Relief. Kids can get stressed, they can even feel when you're stressed so don't encourage it. There's many ways to deal with it and you can find your own personal way, but here's some things that I like to do. If they're stressing about something that already happened, help them understand that they don't need to stress over something that they can't change and already happened. It's over, so let's think about something else. Also, I found a fun kids yoga workout at the library. It was fun and got the kids a little wound up and silly in the beginning and then slowly calmed them down and relaxed them the last half. I'm thinking I need to buy that movie for a bedtime ritual for my kiddos!

16: Bedroom Decor. Let your kids help decorate their room. Let them have fun and express themselves in what they want on the wall or colors that they love. I know that when I decorate my house in a way that I love, it makes walking into that room so much more fun! A kid feels the same way.

17: Imbed 'I'm Sorry' and 'I forgive you' into their mind at a young age. The importance of saying it and the understanding of it. Sounds simple but even as an adult it's hard to do both those things, same for children.

18: Face Your Fears! If your child is afraid of the dark, play some games in the dark or turn the lights off and draw funny pictures in the dark and laugh at them. If your child is afraid of water, take them to the pool but don't worry about making it constructive, just fun! But always talk to them about it before hand, don't just throw them at it head-on.

19: Be a Good Sport. What does that mean anyway? Well, it means give your best effort, and appreciate your team's and your opponent's efforts no matter who wins. And be gracious and humble. No one wants to be friends with a sore looser, which can diminish your kid's confidence. They don't have to LIKE to lose, they just need to know that it's a part of life. Being competitive shouldn't be confused with bad sportsmanship. It's okay to be competitive and enthused.

20: Family Dates! Daddy-daughter dates, mother-son dates, mother-daughter, father-son or the WHOLE clan. Spend outing time together! Make the effort to spend one on one time communicating and listening. Let them control the conversation and listen carefully. Have fun together, let them help plan the dates. My kids moods are MUCH MUCH happier when we're spending constant time together. TIME isn't always easy so make time.

Here's a great place to find fun activities! -A Little Bird-

21: Accept the gift. As parents, we give our kids everything. But children don't have jobs or means to give their parents everything in return. So when they give you a leaf, or a page they colored or a dandelion, it needs to be the most important thing you've ever seen because it's the only thing they have to give. Let them know how grateful you are. And that's another way of teaching them the 'good feeling' of serving others as well.

22: Teach! Kids ask a BAZILLION questions. And the only thing you can do to make you sane is by answer them. If they want to cook, teach them and let them, if they want to know how an airplane flies, research and tell them. It's fun when you learn new things too. Be honest with them. They trust everything you tell them so make it count. They soak in everything they learn & hear so encourage them. They'll learn knew skills and knowledge that will GREATLY increase their confidence!

23: Mind your manners. Have you heard of the Bad Manners Dinner Table Pig? We tried this one and it worked quite well. The only thing is, is that it's a game, which I agree that you need to make it fun and not miserable. But to make it a learning process we made a rule that who ever had the pig last had to clear the table. Manners takes TIME and EFFORT. The learning happens within the family every single day. Good manners will help your child interact with others in a way that will attract positive feedback. It takes chronic grueling and doing it in a happy manner. This is up for personal preference in handling the manners that are important to you. I'm going to be a proud momma for a moment if you will, and tell you about my son's service to a senior citizen. We were walking into church and this lady had two crutches and had a hard time walking, let alone carry a bag. My 6 year old asked, "Excuse me, can I carry your bag?" The woman was very pleased and handed it over, then he continued to walk and talk with her and open the double doors for her. I was in too much of a hurry running late to church, but that's all it took to get my head on straight.

24: Family Home Evening. Once a week, (for our family it's every Monday), we spend the evening together and make NO OTHER PLANS. We teach a lesson we play a game, we sing, we chat, but my favorite part is asking my children and family if there's anything we can do to make our home more happy. The kids always come up with meaningful and fun ideas. And again, it's spending time together. Gotta make that time.

25: Teach them Thankfulness. Being thankful means you know you are blessed. Knowing you're blessed means you appreciate your life and what you have. One way I taught my kids thankfulness was in their own prayers. Instead of just repeating 'Please bless this and please bless this' we worked on 'Thank you for this'. Also, just talk about it. I'm thankful for this, what are you thankful for?

26: Don't embarrass your children in front of others. Getting upset at your child can feel belittling to them, but even more so in front of others. It's the small things that matter. You can make a signal that only you and your kid knows what it means. If your child interrupts you in a conversation, you can give him/her the 'signal' so they know they need to wait and not interrupt. The child doesn't get embarrassed. Side note, NEVER punish your child when you're angry. Calm it down first and think of a reasonable response.

27: Pick good friends. Ask your child, "do you think friends make fun of you? Do you think friends make you make bad choices?" Etc. Help them understand good qualities they need to have in a friendship. Always listen to your child's concerns about friends and then help them figure out the best way to find solutions. Even role playing will help them with the thought process. Be in their life, know their friends, have them over for play dates. We all know friends can influence your child in every way.

28: Teach them about tricky people. Read THIS article now. And find a way to talk to them about predators. Like a good book. Having your children understand safety without scaring them is important to their confidence and courage. Let them be in the 'know'.

29: Raise a leader. For your child to gain leadership skills all you need to do is give them decision making opportunities. This also falls in line with #4 & also 16. Give them leeway and find the time and effort to make it happen often.  Praise them for their success and encourage them further if by chance their choice doesn't work. Encourage their input for ideas. Let them take charge. If they're bored don't tell them what to do, ask them etc.

30: Optimistic!  If you're not in the mood to be, then be aware of your adult conversations around children. They listen, even in the other room. Don't teach them to gossip or degrade others EVER. Don't EVER mention weight or being fat, you instead talk about a healthy body and healthy eating. Don't complain or whine in front of your kids. (Whining isn't allowed in our home on both sides). Have them look in the mirror and say things they love about themselves. Constantly tell them things that are great about them. Let them know more than once a day that you love them by saying it, if you're reading all this then I know you're already showing it.  Talk to them if they say negative things, see if you can figure out where it's coming from. The media can have an impact on their attitude and optimism as well as friends, teachers, siblings and the parents.
I also found THIS post about teaching your kids to be optimistic! 

On the way to driving my son to school I say (quite loudly): "Who's the coolest person in the world?" And he says, "I am!" And I give him a kiss goodbye knowing that my crazy quirky cheesy parenting is paying off, by the simple and small moments. Because-

Being called MOM 
is my GREATEST blessing.

Please leave positive comments below. I'd love to hear about your parenting tips and the small and simple things you do to improve the well being of your child.